You'll Shoot Your Eye Out November 21, 2003 - 11:19 p.m.

For a long time now, the holidays have not brought any joy for me. Usually I'm excited about Halloween and dressing up and just watching cheesy horror films. Or Thanksgiving, and being able to eat great food while listening in on all the conversations. Of course Christmas, with its songs and snow and lights and trees and wrapping paper with bows and ribbon and hot chocolate and all that lovely, dopey stuff.

Usually... I'm excited.

This year, I've been completely apathetic towards the idea of the holidays. So much, that it's at the point where I almost don't even realize they exist anymore. Sure, I know they're still there, yet they still feel like just another day.

I was in the kitchen, making Oatmeal Raisin cookies, and I had The Wizard of Oz playing on the TV. I was telling Chris some of the differences between it and the book - like the ruby slippers, they were silver in the version I read - and how, though I absolutely love this movie, I'm excited to see how they'll handle the remake. I'm hoping for some more book accuracies as well as less over-acting. Why is it that this particular era of movies was loaded with overdramatic vocals, expressions, and gestures? Am I the only one to ever notice this? Granted I don't think it makes these films any less great, but being so used to people that have since fine tuned the art of subtlety and are able to express the most intense emotion with the slightest look, you really begin to pick up on all the flamboyant ways of acting.

- I'm all over the place here... -

So the movie ends, I'm still mixing the cookie dough, and the next movie starts; A Christmas Story. I immediately found myself whistling along to the music. I don't know what it is, but I love Christmas carols.

So I'm stirring my cookie dough, oats are falling out of the sides of the bowl, and I'm just whistling along and feeling all cheery and dopey and eager to put up the tree and put up Christmas lights or candles or something festive and wishing we had a fireplace to light and to hang stockings above and sit in front of while drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows.

And I want to wrap presents. I want to sit on the floor with boxes and more boxes and rolls of pretty wrapping paper, tape, scissors, ribbons, bows, and matching gift tags. I don't get too creative or crazy when wrapping, but I still enjoy wrapping presents. I usually help Chris wrap his family's gifts. In fact, I think when we put the tree up, so that it doesn't look too empty, I'll wrap a couple of empty boxes, just for decoration.

That's how freakin' cheesy I get!

So finally, I'm somewhat excited about a holiday. Excited about being excited. I'm not nearly as excited as I would normally be, mostly because of money - I don't know that I'll even be able to send out Christmas cards this year - but it's nice to feel something close to normalcy.

Even if it is some weird Donna-Reed-gone-nuts kind of normalcy.

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