Wooden Toe February 09, 2003 - 5:11 a.m.

Wednesday afternoon, now four days ago, I somehow managed to get a splinter in my toe. This was a monster of a splinter, too. About the size of a pine needle.

And the bastard wouldn't come out.

I managed to get a small piece of it out that night, but the rest was completely under the skin.

Removal would involve some tearing of flesh. Not my thing. No way. Nuh uh.

So it sat there. And by Thursday, it hurt and I couldn't put any pressure on it. Not even the slightest touch.

Thursday night, I decided to become a doctor. After limping around and seeing that the spot looked swollen, you probably would have too. I pulled out paper towels, a regular towel, peroxide, safety pins, tweezers, hot water and a tea bag. Sat everything up on the table beside the couch, turned on the tv for distraction, and got to work.

By this time, you could see that the splinter had split into three pieces. But I was hopeful that looks were deceiving.

They weren't.

After nearly two hours, I got 1/3 of the obnoxious twig out of my toe. Then proceded to drain it. Turns out, the pain was brought on by some slight infection.

Okay, now... it's wasn't all gross! It wasn't like this stream of puss running down my foot or anything. Cause.. well... eeewwwww!! Like I'd sit here and write about it for you to read! I'd be too embarrassed as well as sickened myself. It was like a raindrop, maybe two, worth of infection. Okay, I'm dropping this. Just know it was infected, but not grossly.

Yeah. So anyhow... I let the remainder sit there. To get to the rest of it involved a few more hours worth of work. And I so wasn't up to that. I didn't mess with it at all until a few hours ago.

And I'll have you know, there was no pain or any icky infection for me to fail at describing this time. So ppffftttt. But I could move the splinter around under the skin, which was cool in a sickening way. It was like... a raft, floating on a river. Or something.

The point to all this detailed rambling, besides my own boredom and inability to sleep, is to proclaim how proud I am that tonight/this morning I finally got every last little piece out of my toe.

And no blood!!

Lots of patience. Maybe a bit of skill... Yeah. Sure. We'll just say skill cause it makes me feel cool.

I started falling asleep in the recliner six hours ago. So I thought it would be a good idea to move to the bed and actually sleep. Nope. Apparently this was a horrid idea, because, well, it didn't work. Not even the slightest bit. So now I'm awake. And I don't wanna be.

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