A Maybe Thanksgiving November 28, 2002 - 11:59 p.m.

My Thanksgiving consisted of thinning patience, average food, random people, very few words, and a little bit of Buffy at a low volume.

Every year, a friend of my mom invites us to spend Thanksgiving with her and her family. We have no family in the area and they've known each other since my mom has moved here, which wasn't too long before I was born. So they're very much like family.

She's a very nice person. Very considerate and caring. She always does her best to make us feel included. When my brother attempted suicide, it was her house that I went to while my mom was at the hospital. When we had a pseudo-blizzard, she allowed us to crash at her warm house, and even bring the dog with us. She just gave me a piano because she knew I loved to play at the time, and only had a dinky tiny keyboard. She's constantly trying to help my mom resolve our issue with water and electricity, but my mom is never willing to use it. She's even shared recipes with me and taught me a little about cooking. When I said 'average food' up there, it was her cooking. Now, it wasn't bad cooking… it just wasn't stunning. Had I been in a better mood, I'm sure I would have considered the food to be excellent.

I was torn on what to do with my Thanksgiving day. The way timing worked out, I had to decide between spending time with Chris or with my mom. There was no way of splitting it, like I would have liked. I even told my mom I would much rather get a frozen dinner, sit at home by myself with the animals, and watch movies. But she said 'It was a holiday' and 'You can't do that'… or something. So having spent so much time over here and being able to see Chris Thanksgiving evening and the following days, as he would be off work, I thought it would be for the best to spend time with my mom.

Well, it ended up that it wasn't so much 'spending time together' as it was me sitting in quiet thought on one side of the room and her trying to help without being in the way on the other side of the room.

Even thought I've been going to the same place with the same people on Thanksgiving, I still don't know these people well enough to feel comfortable talking with them. So what little conversation is had, is small talk. You know the normal 'how's it been' type questions.

So my conversation was pretty much limited to 'no' and 'nothing'.

"Are you going to school?"

'No.'

"Are you working?"

'No.'

"What have you been up to these days?"

'Nothing.' Why lie, after all.

"Have you been nominated for most useless person of the decade award?"

Oh, look! Finally, a question I can say yes to!

It's one thing to be honest with yourself and realize when you're a complete loser. But when other people give you that condescending look and you know exactly what they're thinking, you want to tell them to fuck off and quit being so shitty and judgmental.

Needless to say, I'm sure, I was quite elated to finally leave and go home after 7 hours. My doggies were ever so happy to see me. In fact, Romeo was so excited, he bruised me by playing too much. He bit my arm instead of my sleeve. No teeth marks... it was more like someone pinching a tiny piece of flesh, very hard. Actually, it's right next to a rather large bruise that Chris left by pinching me when I wouldn't stop tickling him. *giggles*

I was home for two hours at the most when Chris stopped by to pick me up. I didn't want to leave my puppies, but I didn't really want to be there either. I'll go back to them in a few days and sit around there, being useless, spending time with my animals.

We ended the evening watching more of the Buffy marathon (I was able to watch one at my mom's friend's house, but people were too loud to hear anything) with the volume turned up, sitting in the one heated room here, eating Reese's Pieces, then falling asleep for a bit.

The end of the evening was far better than the rest of it.

It was all made worse by the fact that I realized the other day, I have very little to be thankful for. Maybe I'll add a brief entry on the few things that I am thankful for. Maybe, if I actually stop and think enough to write them down, I'll find more things and feel better. Just maybe.

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