Shopping and Unpaid Bills December 11, 2002 - 11:55 p.m.

Six hours of sleep.
Six hours awake.
Six hours of sleep.
Six hours awake.
Six hours of sleep.
See a pattern forming???
I'm definitely losing this battle.

Becky and I went shopping today. I got a bit of stuff, but nothing major. I think I have stockings completed. I got some ribbon, bows, and even Christmas cards. They didn't have the video games that Chris wants, so I'm going to wait and get them somewhere else. And I picked up two small things for my mom.

She decided today that all she wants for Christmas is cash to help pay off a bill or two....... After I've already spent about $75 on her.

She's too proud to ask for help and money any other way.

I only wish I could pull my shit together and help her out more often.

I know this may sound selfish, but I realize I need to find goals and motivation for my own life before worrying about someone else's. But I'm not heartless. And she is my mother. So I try all I can to help her.

It's just that I get so frustrated when she makes it nearly impossible. Then suddenly when I can't offer any more help, she caves and needs every little bit she can soak out of me.

Maybe this is why I can never seem to move on with my own life.

Blah blah blah. Words Schmords.

I've somehow managed to remain awake for 18 hours (not counting the brief tumble into Sleepyville when South Park was on). I think it's time for me to crash... yet again.

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