Return to Sender April 13, 2002 - 2:15 p.m.

I've got it all planned out. My escape.

I'm going to send myself to another country.

When I work, which has been rare lately, it's in a bindery of a printing company. Tedious work. Collating, stuffing and sealing envelopes, drilling, spiral binding, shrink wrapping... All the stuff no one else wants to do.

I spent a few hours yesterday labeling envelopes for some big time investment firm. To pass some of the time, I would read the various addresses receiving this booklet. I've grown accustomed to mailing things to places in the US and Canada. These were going to different continents. Australia. Barbados. Brazil. Bermuda. Chile. Denmark. Egypt? I know King Tut was a rich man, but I think he'll find investment information a tad useless now. You know, being dead and all. I'm avoiding reality and sticking with my intended ignorance... Egypt is not much more than pyramids, a huge fucking river, cursed treasures, and sand storms. And hidden corpses wrapped in Charmin. Nevermind the fact that there's actually a thriving, modern civilization in Egypt. Finland. France. Germany. Where the fuck is Ghana?? Holland. Hong Kong. India. Italy. Norway. South Africa. Spain. Sweden. Switzerland. 5 or 6 pages of labels going to London alone, not to mention all the other places in the UK. So many wonderfully different places. All of which are far away from here.

So my plan is, I'm going to crawl into one of those envelopes, then be off on my merry way. Hop from country to country in different envelopes. Instead of the typical stickers on luggage image.... I'll collect postmarks on my forehead. Not to mention endless paper cuts and plum bruises from the careless postal handlers.

Knowing my luck, I'll have 'return to sender' stamped on my ass, and be sent back.

Some of the things we put together at work are sent to a residence, instead of a business. I'm always tempted to put a slip of paper in their mailings. Just pick an envelope at random and insert 'I know who you are', 'I put your toothbrush in the toilet' or something goofy into it.

.: Googles .: Registered! .: For Sale .: My Store

Design :. Picture :. Trading Card :. Host :.