Philly Con May 17, 2004 - 9:53 p.m.

So, I was told earlier that I'm going to Philadelphia this weekend. Convention thing. We're getting a ticket for Saturday so that we can see Eliza Dushku.

Becky originally asked me some time last week, because she needed someone to pay for the hotel room. She was going to cover gas. Seeing as neither Chris nor I have the money for that, we opted not to.

So today she calls me, and says the guy that's going to pay for the hotel, doesn't want to be the only one there with a couple. He doesn't want to feel like a third wheel. So she asked me if I could come up with the cost of a ticket and some food. I told her I probably could but had to ask Chris if the money was there. Apparently by saying that, meant that it was a definite. I was going and that was that.

I want to go. But I can't rationalize the extra money in my head. There's no reason to spend the money on something pointless and without long lasting benefits, when there are so many other things to worry about.

Then I think how that is the exact reason to go. To get away. To do something for myself. To just have fun. Chris even agreed that people need to occasional do something like this, something that acts as a minor reward or release for people.

So I'm torn. Between the smart thing and the fun thing. If I go, I'll constantly think of the other things I could have done with that money. If I don't go, I'll kick myself for missing the chance and I'll tell myself it wouldn't have been much money anyhow.

Such a fuss over thirty bucks. I'm retarded, right?

Regardless of what I'm conflicted with, I'm going. They're counting on me. If I don't go, then the other guy doesn't go, then they don't have a place to stay, then they can't go. I don't doubt I'd have a good time, and I won't bum them out with my inner conflicts, but I'll still feel bad for spending the money on something utterly useless.

Why can't I be normal and feel excited about this? Why do I have to feel guilty? Why do I even have to worry about anything other than having fun, just for a couple of days?

Now I have to go pick out my clothes, do some laundry, figure out if I want to take a book or the Game Boy (or both), and what kind of snacks. As well as deciding what to take to have Eliza sign, provided they let you bring your own items for signing. Season 3, Soul Survivors, or Chaos Bleeds? I don't have a whole lot of options that I can think of.

See, I am excited, but it still feels wrong.

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