The enemy in a friend April 09, 2002 - 10:54 a.m.

Any artist will tell you that pain is the best inspiration. Regardless of what your form of art is... whatever kind of artist you could be considered... you'll get more accomplished in your work when your mind is in complete shambles. (Unless your art is writing a very particular and structured story.) I think emotional unrest, heartache and absolute confusion will bring out the artist in anyone. Agony is an artist's best friend... but an arch nemesis to the person inside.

I've been in a very nasty self-loathing phase for the past few days. Hence more updates in this thing. As usual, I have nothing in particular to write about. But I force at least a small amount of gibberish onto the screen. Complete rubbish mixed with a profound blurb on rare occasion.

I'll save all the psycho-babble bullshit. I feel like ass. I feel worthless and insipid. (Look, Ma! She knows how to use a dictionary!) I'm 23 and haven't accomplished shit in my life. Nearly a quarter of a century... and nothing. Instead of wasting so much time, I could be in college trying to 'broaden my mind' or whatever. Instead I'm sitting at home being a whiny fuck and thinking instead of acting. I've got a list the length of the Nile of all the things I'd like to accomplish some time in my life. Most of it requires money. That requires a job. I need a career... but damn if I can't decide on something. I know bitching at myself still won't change things. I'm aware there are some things around me that need to change in order for me to get past this melodrama of a mole hill. But I could be changing the conditions at the bottom of this hill instead of staring mindlessly at what was over it. (Jesus... don't you hate metaphors?? Yet I feel compelled to use them on occasion. Deal with it.)

Okay... so, where was I? Oh yeah... whining, bitching, worthless, fecal matter, big words. One more thing....

Shit. Fuck. Damn.

I think I'm done for now.

.: Googles .: Registered! .: For Sale .: My Store

Design :. Picture :. Trading Card :. Host :.