Oh the wonders one will entertain April 11, 2002 - 5:58 a.m.

Do you ever get bored and have some of the weirdest, random shit pop into your head? Of course you do. Silly me for asking. Most of the time the stuff falls into the mundane 'what if' category, right?

'What if the sky were purple, instead of pale blue?'

Stupid shit that everyone's thought of a thousand times over again. That or something that completely makes you doubt who you are, why you're doing anything that you do, and how you got where you are.

Then there's the weird stuff. I think I actually get more of this kind of stuff, but it's so common that I never really keep it in mind.

I'm sure you've seen the movies where someone dies, their body is stuffed into a dumpster, then the cops or a bum find 'em. Of course they had to find the body... this is part of plot development. But did you ever wonder if they didn't find these bodies? Imagine all those 'lost' people. Their families are spending literally years searching for them, and it's possible they wound up in a dumpster, never rummaged through by a bum. The garbage truck comes to empty the bin and 'whoomp'... bye bye corpse. More importantly, bye bye evidence. I mean... GEEZ!! All the rotting bodies that could be filling landfills RIGHT NOW! And no one knows.

Anyone could easily off someone and get rid of the body with this in mind. A head tossed into the dumpster at work. A hand shredded in the disposal of a sink. Another hand fed to the neighbors dog. A leg mixed in the weekly trash. Tossed in a garbage bag with moldy leftovers, junk mail and empty cartons. As long as there are no suspicions from the cops, why would they check your garbage before it's picked up and compressed with everyone else's? The torso mulched with leaves and tree limbs, used as fertilizer in a vegetable garden. Maybe this is Martha Stewart's secret. The rest of the body parts? There's not much left... I've always wanted a patio in the back yard. They'd easily be covered by the poured concrete. It'd make a nice spot for lunch on a warm afternoon.

It's times like these that I really worry about myself. I don't know what's worse... the fact that I thought this to begin with.... or the evil grin spreading across my face.

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