We Could Call Her 'Zero' July 16, 2004 - 11:15 p.m.

Chris came home from playing cards late Wednesday evening, to find a new cat on the front porch.

As he was walking up, I saw through the window that he had crouched down for a second and I just figured he had dropped something. I opened the door for him and he wasn’t coming inside immediately like he usually does. He was taking his time - and he had dinner in his hands. Before I could say ‘what the fuck are you doing’ he asked if I’d seen our ‘little visitor’. His words.

As he said it he glanced at the cat food, so my childlike instincts went ‘Fluffies!!’ and I got all giddy at the prospect of a new animal to ogle.

I jumped outside to see a tiny little kitten devouring the plate full of food. She was completely alone, no other cats around, and starving. No mom cat. No other kittens. And we knew it wasn’t our cat’s, because she’s been too skinny as it is. This thing can’t be any older than a month, and may not even be that old.

When Chris and I stepped closer to it, it backed away a bit then ran back to the food. It was terrified and wanted to run, but hunger was priority. Once we got too close, it turned to jump and landed in a box. At which point it was stuck, because the box was at an angle and didn’t have any traction, being plastic. Chris reached in to grab it and it had no where to run and didn’t put up much of a fight. It squirmed for a minute, then soon realized it liked the attention and started purring like mad.

We sat with it for a bit until we remembered we had our own dinner to eat. Go inside, sit down, start eating, then BOOM! There’s a kitten attached to the door and meowing at us.

I let it in.

It ran around like mad. I thought the thing had ADD, because after a few hours, it still wouldn’t sit still for longer than a second. I made sure to close all the doors so that it couldn’t wander too freely. But I don’t think it mattered much because it was mostly preoccupied with our food. Chris kept saying how cute it was and kept picking it up and petting it. He even added that we already have a litter box… implying that we could keep it.

But by the time he left for work, he said I had to put it out before going to sleep. Which makes sense, because we don‘t have litter to put in the box. Yet there was also that feeling that he dropped the idea of keeping her in the house. At all.

That night, there was a huge struggle to put her out. At first, she - I think it’s a girl - just didn’t want to stay away from me. She wouldn’t leave my side. Then later, when I figured I would just find a way to distract her then run inside, there was the issue of the other cats.

The other cats don’t want anything to do with her though they were interested enough to stick around. Territorial stuff, I suppose. They didn’t want this new cat in their yard. The black cat was staking out the front door and the mama kitty was glued to the back door. I didn’t want to take her out and leave here with either cat so close to either door. I knew she’d just go back to the door and meow for me. She’s too tiny to be left out alone as it is, and it was worse thinking of leaving her with these two cats that could possibly try to hurt her.

I finally found an opening when the black cat wandered next door. So I took her out, sat with her awhile, then waited until she was busy playing with leaves to run inside. I closed and locked the door and forced myself to stay away from it. But I kept checking the window to make sure she was okay. It took awhile for her to go find a spot where she felt comfortable. And it took me just as long to leave the window and get some sleep.

I felt like some evil monster throwing this poor, helpless kitten out into the night.

When Chris came home the next morning, I’d only been asleep for four or five hours, and I still ran outside to check on her. My normal routine is to feed the cats when I wake up, but I typically make sure I’ve had a full night’s sleep first.

The mama kitty was the only cat around.

I fed her, I paid attention to her. She’s the feral cat that lets only me pet her, and that was after a long time building up trust. When other people are involved, she’s still feral. It’s while I was paying attention to her, that I heard the tiny meows from under the house. I made noises for her to follow until she found her way out.

Since then, she just finds a spot near the front door to hide and wait for me.

So far, I put her out a few times during the day and I put her out at night. Otherwise, she spends the whole day inside. Right now she’s sleeping on the couch. It’s just too heartbreaking to think of this tiny thing out there, all alone. I even cried last night after watching her curl up into a plant basket in the trash can. If there was ever an image of sadness, it was that one.

Once she gets bigger, I’ll keep her out more often.

Unless Chris decides to get some litter after all.

Yeah, I know. I'm a total nutcase.

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