Keen and Nukem November 08, 2004 - 12:13 p.m.

Raise your hand if you weren't aware that I'm a total dork.

So few hands. Good for you guys!

I'm all excited because I finally did a search for Duke Nukem and found a download for the game.

We're not talking Duke Nukem 3D. This is old school, 1991, DOS Duke Nukem. Screw that first person shooter shit. Side scrolling action! This is classic fun, here. This is where it all began.

When I was about 13, we had a neighbor who did computer work for Dow Jones. Because of this, he had several computers and random computer parts to build a computer. At one point, he let me borrow a computer that he had installed a ton of games on. I think I had this computer for a year or so, before he needed it back for work. Anyhow, the first Duke Nukem was one of the games on this computer. Most of the other games were silly educational stuff. A few classics like Centipede were on it as well.

I would spend late nights just playing all of these games. Particularly Duke Nukem and another game with a brainy kid. I couldn't remember that game's name. Everytime I think about it I think of Barry Ween; or its child-friendly rip-off, Jimmy Neutron.

So I was talking about Duke Nukem the other day, while playing another game on the computer. I was comparing the style of the two. And then it dawned on me. Duh! I could just see if there's a ROM or download available somewhere. (I wouldn't need an emulator, seeing as it was a PC game to begin with.) I figured, this is such an old game with cheesy graphics and sound, that it can't be that big of a file, and someone, somewhere, would have it to download.

Simple search for "Duke Nukem DOS" and I find this website: dosgames.com. They not only offer Duke Nukem for download, but they have Duke Nukem 2 and Duke Nukem 3D if I really cared enough to download it. For free!

And!!!!! (With lots of exclamation points, even though that's annoying...)

They have Commander Keen!

Which I now know to be the game with the brainy kid that I previously couldn't name.

Once I went to the main page, this pre-Barry Ween is staring at me, winking, giving me the thumbs up with his pink shirt and goofy, oversized helmet. They're using him as their main icon, they must have the game available.

Sure enough, they have four of the games available.

Taking my search a little further - now that I knew the name - I found a site that offers all of the Commander Keen games to download. Seven games in all. More side scrolling goodness. So far, I remember playing 'Secret of the Oracle' and 'Aliens Ate my Babysitter'. I'm fairly certain the first one, 'Marooned on Mars', is also one that I played. A lot.

I remember completing these games, from beginning to the very end, over and over and over again. Playing through them all the first time around now... I'm not doing so well.

I don't care though. I'm just excited to be able to play them again. They rock!

Happy memories and fun games. What more could a girl ask for?

Update: Holy Shit! I just found Paganitzu on that site. I'd completely forgotten about that game; yet another one played constantly. I remember that on one of the levels you read a wall or something, and it's the lyrics "Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty" from Guns n' Roses' "Paradise City". Though I can't remember, it might have been changed to "Take me down to the Paganitzu City..." Either way, I always thought that was so funny.

This site says this game was out in 1994, so I guess I had the computer when I was 15. Which doesn't seem right at all. Maybe their date is wrong or this guy had some pre-release version, because I know I had the computer during middle school, and it was gone by the time I was in high school, or shortly after I started.

Update again: And Castle Adventure! Man, I need to stop looking at this site. Though I guess finding these old games again couldn't be a bad thing.

Woah! Number Munchers, too! I never had this on my computer, but always played it at school. Doesn't look like they have Word Munchers though. Or Oregon Trail, or the Goofy Matterhorn game I had on my computer, or the Tom Sawyer game. I'm either going to keep thinking of games to look for, or keep finding one's I had forgotten about.

Oh! Crystal Caves, Dangerous Dave, Dark Ages... I had those! Hocus Pocus and Space Chase both seem familiar, but I'm not sure if they're ones that I had.

And I'm done. Really.

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