Aunt Flo the Foster Mom January 27, 2003 - 3:21 p.m.

I haven't had anything to say recently.

But if you really want an update from me... here you go.

I'm cramping.

So there.

For three and a half hours now, my stomach [more accurately, my uterus, as if you really wanted to know] has been thoroughly kicking my ass. This is pain more than worthy of causing repeated head smashings and tear coated cheeks.

But lucky for me, the pain is slowly subsiding. Thanks to a little green capsule I so gladly call 'friend'.

I sat at this desk from noon to little after two, struggling with the idea/want/need to go get my medicine.

Two hours. In complete, agonizing pain.

Why? Because Chris was sleeping and my bottle of relief was right next to the bed. I didn't want to wake him up. I kept hoping that he would soon wake on his own.

Two hours. In complete, agonizing pain.

And I finally caved.

And woke him up in the process. He tried convincing me that he had eight hours of sleep and needed to get up anyhow. But I'm thinking it was a lie because he could see I was hurting. Anyone could have seen it.

He sat with me for a little while. Holding me. Rubbing my stomach. [which, as you may know, actually does no real good. but it's the thought.] Repeatedly saying 'I'm sorry' and 'I wish there were something I could do'. I did my usual, goofy 'You should be sorry, because if you were the girl in this relationship I would be happy and cramp-free'. Never argue with feminine logic. Of course, this always leads to talk of the removal of body parts. This month's tangent was something along the lines of:

"It's all the ovaries fault. They can't keep it in their pants, so the uterus is left to clean up their mess at the end of the month. Stupid ovaries. If I have them removed, then I wouldn't have this problem. Who needs eggs anyhow? Stupid unfertilized eggs. They either sit around for a month and are totally useless, thus causing me pain when they leave. Or they ferment for 9 months, still causing me pain with they leave. From there, they sit around as useless bastard children. Then grow up to be societal retards that do something stupid like rob banks and run amok."

Okay, so maybe one day I might want kids. And I don't really think that they're useless. But now is not the time. And right this very moment, all I can think of is the unborn children that are causing me insane, torturing discomfort.

And for that, they all need to be shipped off to an orphanage.

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