Fight or Flight, Excuse Girl? May 21, 2003 - 4:15 p.m.

This is bad.

This is real bad.

There are certain facts in life that you often accept with an air of apathy. Dogs bark, fire burns, stars twinkle. Me being lazy has always been one of those facts. Yeah, I'm lazy. Big frikkin' deal. I've always known I was lazy. It's just one of those common facts that you acknowledge and move on.

Despite my profound lazy skills, I've still managed to get various things accomplished. Cleaning, reading, crafts, pet grooming and general attention, personal bathing (at least when I have access to a shower), and plain ol' movement. Your full fledged lazy person is limited to the amount of movement they can exert. My range far exceeds simply reaching for the remote control or bag of chips. And on this, I pride myself because this trait sets me apart from your typical slacker bum.

Or so I thought.

By working this part-time gig for the security company, I've noticed myself slacking in motivation to find another, or rather a good, job. I've even caught myself thinking 'I worked Sunday, so I'll take a day or two and relax.' As if one single day, a mere four hours, is truly worthy of more time off. I'm all about having a reward system, but that's just insane. A week's worth of work then rewarding yourself with one day off, that makes complete sense. Though, I feel I'm just using it as an excuse to not look for work. No excuse is really needed. If you don't feel like getting a job, you'll find any way to avoid it. You simply just don't think about it.

Oh, but I've talked about it. I've gone down a list of possible places around my house that I could apply for. Places that are within walking distance so that I wouldn't have to worry about transportation. Places that seem to have a fun work atmosphere. The kind of jobs that make you at least a little happy to be able to work there. Something that's going to have better pay and more hours than what I'm getting with the security place. Not that there's a huge competition in that department. And when I think of these places, I hear myself saying that I'm going to go and fill out an application. But has this happened yet? Nope. Not a chance.

I'm not scared of actually working someplace. As a matter of fact, I feel very confident with the ideal of working just about anywhere. As long as I have some kind of training and I know what needs to be done, then everything's dandy. It's the initial step. That first approach, going in and feeling like you're asking for help. Like you're begging. "Please sir, may I have some food?" And of course, there's the whole 'meeting new people' thing. I'm always highly nervous around people that I don't know. It takes me ages to feel even remotely comfortable around someone. So being the person that has to start the conversation... the inquiry... the begging... it just terrifies me.

When faced with fear....... Fight? Or flight?

Oh, I'm all about the flight.

I'm telling you, I'd be the happiest girl in the world if I could find a legitimate at-home type job.

On a completely useless sidenote, I'm going to make a collection of cd's.

The Musical Accumulation of the Buffyverse.

I'm going to collect as many songs as I can find, that have come from Buffy and Angel. I'm even going to try and keep them in chronological order. I think they'll end up divided into series, as well. The Buffy edition and the Angel edition. And of course, whatever edition may come after that.

Thankfully, BuffyMusic.net lists every song known to the Mutant Enemy shows. This will make my search much, much quicker.

Slacking like I have been, I should have plenty of time to get this accomplished.

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