The Evil Within February 01, 2003 - 4:01 p.m.

Cheddar tomato sandwiches rock. They're probably one of my favorite kinds of sandwiches, although I couldn't eat them all the time.

Bread barely toasted, then covered with cheese and toasted some more so that the cheese melts. A little bit of ranch dressing to add some flavour, and nearly half a tomato (depending on size). Sliced, of course.

It may sound icky, but I like tomatoes. And I think this sandwich is groovy.

I haven't had one in a few years actually. So now that we [rather, I, as Chris hates them] had some tomatoes, I thought it would be a good time to make one.

So I prepared it. Made a mess is the process but decided to enjoy my sandwich first, cleaning up later. It was ever so tasty.

But for some reason, as I started cleaning up and putting dishes away, my mind went right back to the thought that I have to call my brother still.

I'm going home either tonight or tomorrow, so that's when I will call him. Impending doom in the very near future.

I really would just love to be a bitch and email him again telling him if he wants to talk he can take the effort to type it out. But as he did send a calling card, I feel this is the only way to just get it over with. I'm at the point of telling him I'd rather not talk to him. Ever. But I'll at least make this attempt to listen, and possibly respond, letting him know how bad he sounds. If he could only be choosey about his wording.... But you've already heard this stuff.

So anyhow, I'm cleaning up, thinking about having to call the jerkface, and it dawns on me. I'm not the only family member he berates. That I've seen, anyhow. He may be like this with everyone, and they simply excuse it. Or he may see everyone else as perfect and doesn't feel the need to condemn them for every little fault. But when it comes to me, my mom, and even his older brother, I guess he feels he has a right to run our lives.

My brother's dad had a son before him. My brother is going to turn 34 in March, so his brother is at least 35. But I think he's nearly 40. I can never keep track of my own age, let alone that of other people.

I remember an incident when we went to Maryland to attend my brother's wedding. I don't remember the exact words exchanged, but my brother decided to say something that only hurt his brother. Enough to the point that he left the room because he didn't want to be around my brother any longer. All I really recall from the event, other than him having to walk out of the room, was that he did nothing to deserve it. He wasn't being rude, obscene, drunk, stupid, insulting. Nothing. They were just talking and my brother, being the controlling ass he is, decided to throw a nugget of 'wisdom' out. And it hit. Hard. He's the same way with me and my mom. We rarely have enjoyable conversations because he will always find something to bitch about.

I have to wonder if he's like this with everyone. If he is, then why haven't I seen it before?

Now listening to - Loudermilk: Teenage Desperation and Juliet

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