Letting it Empty Away September 03, 2003 - 11:21 p.m.

I've said it before; I've never cut myself. Intentionally, that is.

Though I've had the desire, I've never done it. It seemed silly and pointless.

But it's days like today, where I spend over nine hours with my mother, that I genuinely start believing that the feeling mostly in my stomach will empty away along with the blood oozing out of whatever cut on my arm or leg or whatever I decide to make. And when I start thinking that way, I can actually feel that sensation, as if it's a memory. The idea of slicing open your skin and feeling these emotions leave you, seems so believable. At least when I'm feeling that way. And with that believability, comes the desire. That want, need, ache to make it stop. To make the anger or the sadness or whatever, just go away.

I can say it again; I've never cut myself.

That much is still true.

But it seeming silly and pointless? That part seems to be fading away.

I don't want to get to the point where I feel that's my only solution.

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