I am her. April 02, 2002 - 7:56 p.m.

Have you seen Don't Say a Word?

Yeah, whatever... You hated it. You loved it. I don't care.

For those of you that have seen it, regardless of your opinion on it... the chic, Elisabeth Burrows, that's me.

I came upon this realization a few weeks ago, shortly after I'd seen the movie. That hand thing she does, like her hand is on a double dose of speed, I do that. It's not all the time or anything. Just when I'm in one of those weird moods. Seeing her do that made me realize just how often I do it though.

I feel I'm like her in more ways than just that. She's got problems, but she pretends to be more insane to hide. I'm that way, in the sense that I know I'm not insane... but there are SOO many times that I feel like I am. Like I should take residence in a windowless, cloudy-day grey, padded cube. Doctors spying on me, making sure I'm not hurting myself.

I suppose I am there already. My own mind is a soft, grey chamber. Locked. To even me, sometimes. Sloshing around its little secrets. Its evil thoughts. Performing its own shock therapy. Yet keeping me safe. From what, I'll never know. I hope to never find out.

___________________________________

My stomach's churning. It's an awful pain.

It always amazes me how emotional pain can bring on physical.

I am Jill's complete emotional unrest.

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