Do I Even Know What I Want? August 29, 2003 - 12:00 p.m.

Went to the baby doctors with my friend yesterday. She's about fifteen weeks along and we got to hear the heartbeat, which was cute. And in four weeks, she goes back for an ultrasound, where she can bring three people. I'm invited to see the baby!

Given my recent realization of family desires... seeing all those babies and women going through pregnancies was not a good thing. Now, I'm not going to do anything incredibly stupid like trying to get pregnant right now. Hell, I can't take care of my own life, why should I handle someone else's? Besides, I wanna do the marriage life first. But seeing all those tiny people, just makes me want one of my own.

Hmmm... wording it that way makes it sound like I want my own pet midget.

Then again, who wouldn't?

As I've stated before though, maybe it isn't even the issue of wanting children or marriage... maybe it's just the illusion that goes along with it. The thing that says if you have this stuff, then you're grown up and responsible. While not sacrificing fun and the joys of some immaturity.

I think it's just that balance that I crave. Being able to experience the joys of both worlds.

I'm fully incoherent and have no valid points to make, so I should just stop typing now.

"This is where I felt it the first time... the universe was cocking the fuck-with-me gun." - Dead Like Me

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