Cluttered September 13, 2003 - 11:43 p.m.

On TLC [The Learning Channel], they have several shows like Trading Spaces and While You Were Out which are decorating based shows. I find myself watching them all the time, dreaming of what I may do with a room, or whole house, one day. I also find myself being jealous that I don't have even one room that I can do something with. And technically, I have several at my mom's house, they're just packed with stuff and there's no room to even walk, let alone decorate.

TLC has a new show that's been advertised like crazy lately, called Clean Sweep. They go to the home of pack rats, and help them organize their rooms. In the commercials, they show clips of some of the houses chosen, and I have to say, I'm amazed other people live this way. I don't think they've shown anything as bad as what my mom's house looks like, but some have come pretty close. The thing is, with these other people, they only have a few rooms that they have this way. Where she has not only her entire house, but the garage and now even part of the back deck that are cluttered.

Every single time I see one of these commercials, I've thought of contacting the people involved and volunteering my mom for the show. I even told her one day about the show and the idea of contacting them. Although it was more of a threatening joke, by saying it outloud it was like acknowledging my desire to actually do it. Of course, she was far from liking the idea. As I knew she would be.

I know for a fact if I were to call these people and they showed up one day to organize and decorate a few rooms in our house, she would cry. Not happy, thank-you-for-helping-me cry, but you-little-shit-you're-crushing-my-pride kind of cry. It would make her feel like complete ass. She would feel horrible, humbled, and disheartened.

With that in mind, I was still tempted to contact them. Something has to be done, and she can't seem to do it herself. Despite the temptation, I don't think I would actually do anything. The desire may be there, but I can't bring myself to act upon it.

Lucky for her, it looks like they're only doing homes in the Southern California area right now anyhow. So even if I did cave to my temptations, we aren't eligible.

And now the show is on, so I decided to look up the website, hence the knowledge on where they're currently accepting applicants. But the show is also making me realize that maybe it isn't best to contact them anyhow. They forced these people to get rid of old, beautiful, hardbound books that were given to the wife by her great grandmother. I would fucking kill! I can just see it now...

Them: "Um.. do you really need all these books?"

Me: "Touch my books and die."

Them: "Oh. Well. Um. Let's move on to something else... Maybe it's time to grow up and get rid of childish things. You don't really have to have all of this Scooby Doo stuff. You could sell it in the yard sale and get a lot of mon..."

Me: "You're a walking death wish."

Them: "So, the Scooby stuff stays? We'll.. uh.. have the contractor build a shelf for that."

Me: "That's what I thought..."

Them: "Right. Um, this stack of newspapers?"

Me: "Oh, we can get rid of that. That's garbage."

My mom: "Hey! Wait a minute!"

I'll admit it, I'm a pack rat. But every other year or so I thoroughly go through everything I own, and throw stuff out. I seperate the stuff I definitely won't get rid of (like books, movies, Scooby stuff) from garbage, give away, and stuff that I don't really want to part with at the moment but will most likely get rid of next year until then I'll hang on to it. Because if I'm if-y about something one year, I've either found a use for it or decided to get rid of it by the next year. Except, sometimes, clothes. But I do recognize garbage for what it is. And as long as I have the means to do so, I'd say I'm very organized. I can fit just about everything I own into my bedroom at my mom's house. Maybe not comfortably, and certainly not the way it is now, but I can do it. It's a very small room and it currently holds a whole lot of stuff that isn't even mine. I've got at least three boxes sitting in there that I need to take to Goodwill. But I can't get them out of the house with her there, otherwise she'll demand to know what's in them.

Someone give me my own average sized three bedroom home, enough money for paint, and some bookshelves and I'll be set.

I'll work on filling it with actual furniture later.

It's easier to start with an empty home than a full one.

Actually, if anyone really wants to by me something, here ya go. Then again, according to this picture, it looks like they'll soon get a new one that has more grey in it. I'd be more than delighted to get my hands on that.

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