Heavy Burden March 11, 2004 - 6:03 a.m.

I have this heavy concern that weighs on me constantly, and that's that I don't know how to take care of myself.

And actually, that's not entirely true. I do now how to take care of myself, I just don't know that I'm capable of doing it on my own.

I'm a social retard. I don't know how to get around town, or how to handle important paper work or phone calls, or what needs to be taken care of in an emergency. I don't know what kind of questions or concerns I need to worry about when making major purchases or starting life changing events. I don't know what to do at a doctor's office or how to file my taxes. I don't have a checking account and I've never driven a car.

I'm afraid, with these fears and inabilities, that I'll be nothing less than a burden on anyone who chooses to put up with it for the rest of my life. Because if things don't change, I won't be capable of taking care of myself. I'll always be dependent on somebody else. And while there's security in that, there's no independence. And everyone needs to have independence, as that's the only way to truly be your own person.

I'll get over this one day. I have to. I don't like being a burden.

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