Blank, Useless, and Lost January 19, 2003 - 9:49 a.m.

Now I know something is wrong with me.

Chris is actually doing some major cleaning around the house. See, his mom is supposed to be in town tonight, and being that this is actually her house, she stays here when she's in town. So he's trying to clean it up a bit for her, otherwise she will bitch. Endlessly.

Usually when a moment like this occurs, I'm excited and ready to help clean. Yeah, I know it's really strange. But I think it has to do with the fact that no one I live with (either here or at home) seems to care if they live in a shithole. So I feel kind of strange cleaning when no one else bothers. Actually, Chris isn't too bad, but he does let things pile up a bit before bothering.

Once someone else decides they're going to start straightening, I jump in immediately and become Mr. Clean. With hair. No muscles. And no penis. Being a girl, and all. Yeah. I guess maybe that was the wrong euphemism to use there.

But today. He's cleaning. A lot. And me? What am I doing? Well, other than sitting on the computer right now, curled up in the fetal position on the couch. Just watching. I have no idea what to do. And I feel completely useless as well as lost. I've put the two heaters away and emptied the trash. That's it.

I don't know. I guess this may not strike anyone else as odd, but I've usually got a whole list of things that need to be done around the house, and now that we're actually doing them... I'm just sitting here. Blank. Useless. And lost.

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