Useless Banter February 19, 2003 - 12:04 a.m.

So I finally talked to my brother. Just got off the phone with him in fact.

Surprisingly, we wasn't nearly as condescending as he usually is. Nearing encouragement, actually. Nearing. But not quite there.

Of all the things he had to say, the thing that seemed to hurt the most was the fact that, according to him, my mom told him I wasn't helping out. She's told me the complete opposite. I've done everything I can to help her, and she knows it. Apparently, she was the one that told him 'you need to talk to your sister'. When according to her, she said she tried to figure out why he needed to talk to me at all, other than the basic 'hey, how ya been'.

So now I'm wondering... Did he say that to make himself look better? Was she lying in what she told me, as she has a habit of doing anyhow? Or was it merely a miscommunication, which is completely logical seeing as my mom rambles endlessly, thereby causing much confusion? As do I.

So how do I feel after the phone call?
Nothing. Maybe more uselessness. But that's a constant feeling that I don't think could be surpassed by other levels.

I need to get out of this funk. Not for him. Not for helping my mom. But to simply feel better. I hate feeling like this.

And to top it all off, I think I'm getting sick.

Fuck.

I'm done now.

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