Headache From Hell April 20, 2004 - 5:37 a.m.

One day - the week prior to last week - I was helping Chris bring groceries in and putting things away. He went to take some things to the bathroom and came back into the kitchen only a minute or two later to find me clutching the counter so that I wouldn't fall down with one hand, and holding my head with the other.

I was going to put the sugar in the canister, when I suddenly got a headache.

No, scratch that. Headache is far from accurate. More like searing, blinding, stabbing pain.

Usually headaches slowly creep up on me, but there have been several occasions where they're very sudden and very concentrated to one spot. I'll literally feel like I've just been stabbed or shot in the head. It's that sudden, and that painful. I feel like pre-demon Cordy when she had her visions.

These sudden stabs typically don't last too long. I just bear with it for five minutes or so, and the sharpness goes away. But this day, when it happened, my neck hurt along with it. Again, sudden, isolated pains in the back of my neck, at the exact same second my head started hurting. As though a tendon running from my shoulders to the top of my head just snapped.

The pains stuck around much longer that day. Chris helped me to the couch and it seems like I just layed there forever. It might not have even been a full hour though. Finally they faded enough for me to function again, and I went back to normal.

But the headache after that never completely went away. I've had the same pulsing pains for over a week now. Some days duller than others, but it's still there.

Today was bad. Today felt like a vice mixed with the piercing.

Lights were too bright. The tv was even giving off too much light. Noises were too loud. A light bulb was buzzing. Leaning was putting more pressure on my head. Standing was making me dizzy. Lying down made it more isolated and painful, yet that was still the most bearable position.

By the time Chris left for work this evening, I was afraid to move too much because every shift added more pressure.

And it just got worse from there.

An hour or two went by and I was at the point where it was hurting so much, I wasn't able to do anything other than wince and feel the tears rolling down my face. I've had tons of headaches that make me cry. But this one was very different somehow. It's almost like I wanted to scream in pain, but couldn't.

I eventually pulled myself up and took an Advil. It wasn't too much longer after that, that I felt much better. And it's lasted until now, where the dull pains are starting to seep through again.

Those that I've talked to about these headaches, probably know how vehemently I am against taking medicine for them. I don't want to develop a tolerence to even the simplest of pills, resulting in the need to take more and more when I'm in substantial pain. I deal with pain for as long as possible, knowing it will soon be bearable again. Also, what's the point of taking something, and having it kick in just as the pain subsides anyhow? I think there's only been one or two other times that I've taken medicine for my headaches, and that has not been any time at all recent. I'd say it's been at least year, if even that recent.

I resorted to a pill tonight. And while some people find that normal, the pain that brought it on only scares me.

The potential reasons behind the pain, scares me more.

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