Apathy is best. June 05, 2002 - 2:06 a.m.

completely zombie-like. total blank.

i have thousands, maybe millions, of thoughts throughout the day... only a select few ever make it to a vocalization. even fewer make it in print. even those that are noticed, are forgotten just as quickly. the ones never noticed, were better off remaining dormant.

why i am writing this? no, really, i'd like someone to answer that. i can't seem to figure it out. there's this need, i can feel it deep inside, that there's something i need to express. some emotion waiting, hiding, running. i can't seem to find it. but when i do... i'll beat that little bastard for teasing me so.

i've expressed other feelings here. things i've recently found, either hidden or maybe avoided despite being within my childlike grasp. I've only mentioned these feelings... acknowledged them. but still running myself. i could be scared of them but i think it's simply boredom. i have the desire to delve into them. find out why they're there. how to kill them. but again, i'm lacking that motivation to do it.

it all seems to come down to motivation lately... i think we're working on a theme here. and it blows as much as a catholic schoolgirl on the night of her senior prom.

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