Bitching Continued 2001-08-02 - 8:56 a.m.

Money pisses me off.

I hate it. But it's a cruel necessity for survival.

Mostly, what I hate (besides my lack of it) is how my friends always seem to be able to buy things... I don't. They have their own car and/or apartment, make little to no money, but are still able to buy stuff ALL of the time. Granted, their payments aren't being made on time, or at all sometimes, but that doesn't stop them from buying that new book, t-shirt and movie. Now, that may not seem like a lot, but when they do this all of the time, and then worry about how they are going to make their rent or car payment, it's annoying.

First off, I have to hear them bitch about how broke they are and how they can never do anything. But when I try to tell them 'You didn't need those 4 DVD's and that $30 tshirt you just bought...' they act like it was only part of their survival.... yet they're going hungry.

"But I've really wanted that movie for a long time..."

Yeah, and I'm sure your landlord has wanted his rent money for... what was it? Three months now? No wonder you are being evicted... AGAIN!!

This isn't just one friend... it is a few of them. Almost all, now that I think about it. They 'have the money' to go out and buy all of this useless shit, but when it comes to important stuff, they're suddenly broke.

I think the reason this pisses me off, is because I never get to do the same thing myself. What little money I get goes towards food (mainly for the dogs and cat, because they are priority) and TRYING to save to get a car. But that still hasn't happened. I keep lending money to people. Only 2 people, but still. Between the 2, I am due back nearly $2000. Should I just start being heartless and say 'No, I have the money, but I'm not going to help you when you are obviously hurting'?? I don't want to be that kind of person.... but at the same time, I don't want to have these people take advantage of me. Which I'm sure won't happen, (there's a reason my loans are only out to TWO people) but the thought is still there.

I just wish I had the ability to look at bills and stuff as not important. I want to be able to buy that extra book or movie and not worry about having money later for important things.

Why am I the one being responsible with my money, yet I have nothing to show for it? Whereas my friends get to do whatever they want and still not think of their problems.

Yeah, it's material status. But I like things, dammit! I'm not talking $50,000 cars or HUGE diamond rings. I'm just talking about those little extra things that let you know your hard work has been worth while. Hell, being able to go out and simply get an ice cream cone.... that's nice. And not somebody buying it for me. Me being able to buy it and not think in my head, 'Well, I'll have to sacrifice a gallon of milk this week for this....' or something else similar.

I'm not going to lie... one day I want the nice car, with the HUGE entertainment center, wonderful, top-of-the-line computer (I'm on somebody else's right now), and the nice home with nice furniture and walls of bookshelves filled with books..... But that's in the future, and right now I'd be happy with having $20 a week to spend towards me. Not counting food.

Am I bitching for no reason? Do my friends have the right idea, and I'm the fucknut who should be making myself happy instead of worrying about everything else? *shrugs* I suppose I will never find out the right answer to either of those.

For now... I'll just sit and stare at the wall, or enjoy my friends' luxuries and hope that, one day, maybe I can afford my own.

(P.S. - Anyone out there need a hard worker?? LOL!! I don't have many skills (that I can think of) But I'm easily trainable! :) LOL)

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